Doubt

Raleigh 70.3 – This will be my 3rd time doing this race but this is the first time I am NOT competing in a relay.  11 days out and  I am terrified! Looking back, I realize, this isn’t the first time I have had doubts…

May 2013  –  Relay – Swim

 

Email to Val and Adam

Perhaps this is too early for me to talk about this given it’s been only 24 hours since the race but given that the IM less 3 weeks away I need to think this through. I’m hoping you both can help give me perspective.

I’m totally worried about my part on the [Half Ironman] relay. I know that physically I should be able to handle the race next month but mentally I’m not sure I can do it. If this were just my race I’d give it a go and if I fail to complete the swim then fine. But this is Nancy’s and Anj’s race too and I don’t want to end the event before it really starts…..it is not fair to them….

I totally choked yesterday – I got out there, got scared and just wanted to be able to stand on solid ground. I hadn’t even made it to the first buoy. I know this has been an ongoing struggle of mine, I know that all new racers go through it but there were tons of people who were in the same position and they did great. They all finished.

I am sure that I can practice the next three weeks and get to 1.2 miles without stopping – My fear is that I  won’t be able to pull it off on race day.

You both have seen me in the water – I’d like your thoughts on this…. There might still be time to find someone to fill in for me so Nancy and Anj can race….

That was a rough weekend for me. 3 weeks before the Half Ironman and I was so mad about my “practice race” and quitting before I had begun. Adam and Val lifted me up in their responses and give me the push I needed stay on. I stuck with it and spent the next 3 weeks getting out to the lake as often as I could. I practiced in rough conditions too. In those weeks I experienced the worse the lake had to offer and managed to swim the 1.2 mile distance a handful of times. I did great on race day and was so well prepared. It was easy compared to my practice swims at the lake.  What a great experience.

Our 2013 Relay Team

Our 2013 Relay Team

May 2014 – Relay – Swim and Bike

During a training ride in April 2014 I had a mishap with my bike that ended up with a crack in my frame. I no longer had a bike to ride in the race. I was almost relieved. I thought – this is my OUT! Maybe I won’t have to ride that ridiculous distance after all? What was I thinking signing up for 2 legs of this relay? I went on for a few days this way.

Then I realized I had to do this race. If I didn’t I would regret it.

My wonderful triathlete friends would not let me quit either. Several of them offered their bikes for me to borrow for the race and one bike fit my small frame perfectly. I was back in.

I did it. No regrets.

We did it! Raleigh 70.3 - 2014

We did it! Raleigh 70.3 – 2014

May 2015 – Individual – Swim, Bike and Run

Here I am again…. Full of LOTS of anxiety for my upcoming race.  My biking has not been great at all. The only time I had the opportunity to ride the full distance on the bike course was during Tropical Storm Ana which was whipping around southeast of us and leaving traces in our path.  We rode through pouring rain and headwinds. It was my slowest ride in years. Not exactly a confidence booster for my longest leg of the race.

I am worried again. I am not fast. I won’t be winning any awards. I hope I can complete the bike ride and still have legs for the run. I just want to cross that finish line with a smile.

Year 3. And I’m here again. DOUBT. Big DOUBTS.

 

This is when I choose between fight or flight.

Guess which I choose.

Onward to May 31st.

2015 BiB

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